I bought some pizza dough today, this special ‘New York’ style from Lamonica’s. So don’t judge–I know pizza like ‘dis guy from da Bronx’ might know ramen. All I know is what I like, and generally speaking, there are enough fairly competent folks out there making pizza that in most cases, I do not judge harshly.

There are pizza fanatics, just like there are ramen fanatics. Anyone who truly enjoys a particular type of food to the nth, possibly excessive degree is usually condemned to constant disappointment, whining, and dismay.

But I’m not cooking for them. Thank god.

I’m cooking for my wife whose best and worst aspect as an eater is: she knows what she likes and can tell you why. But let’s start with the pizza fans and why they might hate this pizza:

It isn’t round. It’s more…free-form because getting this elastic piece of dough to stretch and hold its shape was difficult. No. Impossible. I even managed to toss it in the air a couple of times, hoping that centrifical force would magically create a fairly circular pie crust.

Well, that didn’t happen.

There is no tomato sauce. Yah, this pizza has a base of caramelized shallots with a bit of salt and thyme leaves, then adorned with bits of chèvre; a mix of goat and sheep, a sprinkling of pomegranate seeds, and for good measure and a hoped for bit of crunch (if they don’t burn too badly), some cracked pieces of walnut.

There’s no meat. Not a dealbreaker, I’m sure, but there is a faction out there who demand only meat, and veggies are anathema.

I’m not from Chicago, New York, or Italy. Nope three times. I’m just an old guy who is trying his hand. Wait. Did I say ‘old guy’. Hmm. I don’t feel old…all that much, but yah, I am.

Are those enough reasons? Here’s another reason on another point, that pizza is a pain. Rolling the dough and stretching it besides being a trick, it tends to get sticky on the bottom. So transferring your pizza from, say, either a wooden cutting board onto the pizza stone is like trying to move a large piece of flypaper with food on it that is sticky-side down. Yah, I sprinkled the bottom of the dough with semolina flower to give it some ‘grease’ to slide, but it still stuck. I’ll have to ask my pal Paul how he does it–if I can handle listening to him rant about the best pizza around, etc. As pizza fanatics go, he’s not so bad and has many other redeeming characteristics.

Ok, results are in. Yes, it’s pizza. It tastes pretty good–to me as well as my significant other. But maybe most importantly, the pizza came out looking like the outline of the state of New York.

Take that, pizza nuts!